Every October the rest of the country dresses up as whatever superhero movie came out that summer. Fine. Good for them. But around here, the best Halloween costumes are the ones that only make sense if you've sat in traffic on Route 128, waited 25 minutes for a Green Line train, or ordered a large iced regulah when it's 38 degrees out. If somebody from Ohio sees you at the party and says "wait, what are you supposed to be?" — congratulations. You nailed it. Here are 10 Halloween costumes only a New Englander would understand.
1. The Rotary
Hula hoop. Traffic cones taped around it. A couple of toy cars glued on, all pointed in different directions, none of them yielding. Walk into the party and just keep going in circles. Nobody knows who has the right of way, and neither do you. Scariest costume in the room, hands down.
2. A Large Iced Regulah
A clear plastic cylinder, some brown tissue paper, a bunch of ice-cube cutouts, and a big orange-and-pink straw on your head. Bonus points if you wear it over a winter coat, because in New England we do not stop drinking iced coffee just because it's cold. That's the whole joke. That's also a lifestyle.
3. The Lobstah Skeleton
Half coastal, half creepy, all New England. Paint a few bones on a red hoodie, rig up some cardboard claws, and you're the ghost of every lobstah that ever got dropped in a pot in Kennebunkport. If you don't have the craft skills (no judgment), the Lobstah Skeleton Halloween T-Shirt does the heavy lifting for you. Add some antennae on a headband and you're done in five minutes.
4. The Freedom Trail Tourist
Fanny pack. Brand-new "Bahston" hat. Giant folded map. Sneakers so white they glow. Spend the whole night asking people where the Cheers bar is and pronouncing Worcester with all three syllables. Locals will laugh. Then they'll get a little mad. That's how you know it's working.
5. The Green Line
Paint a cardboard box green, cut out some windows, and write "B," "C," "D," or "E" on the front. Here's the key: show up to the party 45 minutes late, stop randomly in the middle of the room for no reason, and then announce you're "being replaced by shuttle buses." Method acting at its finest.
6. The Classic Sheet Ghost
Every neighborhood has one. The kid (or dad) who waited until 5:30 on Halloween, grabbed a bedsheet out of the linen closet, cut two holes, and called it a night. Honestly? Respect. It's cheap, it's classic, and it's the most New England costume there is because it's practical. Want to wear the joke without tripping over the sheet on somebody's front steps? The Awe Sheeet Halloween Costume Ghost T-Shirt gets the point across and keeps your hands free for the candy bag.
7. The Pothole
A round black foam mat, some crumbled gray "asphalt" around the edges, and a little orange cone sticking out of the middle. Lie down in the doorway. Make everybody step around you. It's a spring costume technically, but you've got to be ready early — they come back every March like clockwork.
8. The Local TV Weather Guy Tracking a Nor'easter
Sport coat. Clicker in hand. A poster board map of New England with a giant blue-and-pink blob parked right over Worcester. Every ten minutes, point at the map and say "we're keeping an eye on this one, folks." Somewhere a grocery store just sold out of bread and milk.
9. The Foxborough Tailgater
Winter hat with a pom-pom. Folding chair strapped to your back. Grill tongs in one hand, a paper plate of sausage and peppers in the other. Be loud about the offensive line. Be louder about how you've "been saying this since August." It's Pats season, and this costume basically builds itself out of what's already in your trunk.
10. White Mountains Bigfoot
Everybody's got a cousin who swears they saw something big and hairy crossing the Kanc at dusk. Throw on a shaggy brown suit, carry a flashlight and a bag of trail mix, and tower over the trick-or-treaters. Once a year, Bigfoot gets to walk around in public and nobody calls Channel 7. Let him have his night.
The Bottom Line
Around here, Halloween isn't about the fanciest costume. It's about the one that makes your whole neighborhood go "ohhh, wicked good one." Keep it local, keep it a little weird, and dress warm — it's going to be 41 degrees and raining. It always is.
Born in New England. Fueled by iced coffee. Wicked proud of it since 2004.